Alone

The atmosphere of being alone is the darkness enveloping around me. It seems like I am wandering around like a lost soul that just exited hell. Filled with obfuscation and the mixed feelings intertwined in me, it is indescribable to note the true feelings in me. The anguish coupled with the ubiquitous devastation of failure is overwhelming. Anger, revenge, indigence are all rolled into one as a package.

The inundation is incomparable to almost all the sorts of different feelings I have ever experienced. Of course, I cannot throw in the towel. That is tantamount to admitting defeat. Okay, I'm not going to start lamenting on all my troubles. Though it is lamentable that such things are very irritating to the extent that I feel like giving up, it does inadvertently make me stronger.

Okay, there is a limit and extent to the amount of stress a human can take. Now, I feel alone, literally alone. Concern, care etc. do not seem to exist for me now. Okay, probably they do exist in terms of family support. But other than that, there are no other support. Even the strongest person in the world needs support at times. That is inevitable.

I try to be an assiduous student in terms of academics and CCA. But now? Not only do I not receive the commendations but instead I take the full blow of seeing how my pride falls before me. The inexorable truth that hits me like a train at high speed is indeed excruciating. It feels like salt rubbed on a seared flesh on your body. Thereupon, pain surges through the body. Blood boiling like lava spurting on the floor. One's inner organs are then upturned and a spear thrusts in mercilessly into the heart. The red liquid starts to evoke out of the body. Of course, the effluence is gross but the bottom line of this paragraph is to reinforce the pain I felt today.

This is one of the worst pains I have felt in years.

Nonetheless, the pain lingers on like a bug. I really, really have no intention of giving up. However, the mere thought of not being duly rewarded for my hard work, it is heart wrenching.

I admit I have had thoughts of eliminating my opposition like Daniel Toh. But he is my friend. I do consider him my friend despite him not trusting me. With respect to the fact that he is my friend, I do not intend to inflict any harm upon him.

This incident somehow might have incited me to become a malevolent soul. The chronic disturbance of revenge is rooted within me. Its existence is a thorn in my flesh. The perpetual pain is inextricably linked to me.

I do really feel alone now.

To Hell With That or Embrace?

Now this is gonna be a tough dilemma, probably one of the very few times where I have to decide upon it alone. I must be pragmatic, decide what is best for all of us. Weigh the odds.

That is probably the worst thing I can ever do. How the hell am I gonna find out the correct solution to this perplexing problem? I did try to salvage the situation but to no avail.

To Hell With That or Embrace?

That's something to ponder about. I really want to salvage this. But all of us needs to play a part. Otherwise, it will be fruitless.

So please. Let me send this message to the 3 of you guys. My friends. Give me the chance for a reunion.

Listen to Someday by Nickelback to get the gist of the message.

Clairvoyance

Details are always seemingly hidden away from our view. Take it as a source, a recording or subtle details in a painting. These details are hid away inconspicuously. At first, it looks like an innocuous piece of art and yet upon closer scrutinizing, we begin to see how the mysterious elements unfold.

Sometimes, we have to be a clairvoyant. We know not how to solve our very own inner mysteries at times because we ourselves do not know who we are up against. Paintings are also similar. The details are hidden well within the painting. I'm not a conspiracy theorist but then again, it is such an analogy that I am bringing forth to all of us. Do we not notice details well enough and tend to generalize? Do not get me wrong here. Generalizing is not a bad thing. But sometimes it is inevitable to seek out details even the most minute of details.

From Santi's earthly tomb to Demon's Hole,

'Cross Rome the mystic elements unfold.

The path of light is laid, the sacred test,

Let angels guide you on your lofty quest.

When you can't lead by example;Intimidate

So I'm back after a 3 month hiatus. This time, it's a turn for the worse. How would you lead your life if you realise that you have ''friends'', nothing's going your way and how screwed up your very own country is?

I swear this is bullshit. Fucking bullshit. When you think of how your ''friends'' are always lingering around you and when you lend them a helping hand. You think you had fostered a new bond with them. But that was not to be. That was merely a facade on their part. Now you might think, okay look you're too sensitive. Okay, well maybe I am. But I rather believe that I'm sensitive than put it pass them that they are insincere. Maybe that's because of the lack of parental love. But I won't blame them since my parents are busy. Conversely, I would embrace that.

To me, I would say this country is a fucking hellhole. I would really love to get the fuck out. I would not feel one tinge of poignant regret. In fact, I would be thanking anyone who gets me out of here.

On the other hand, on something totally unrelated, probably something I've been harping upon since God knows when. Electronics. People should start incorporate Wikipedia or some sort of official website to learn about technologies out there instead of relying upon deceptive salesmen. Those websites as aforementioned would guide you to such esoterica such as the science behind the sound, the precocious technologies available out there in the REAL world and still on the drawing board. Nonetheless, those information would naturally give us an insight of how the hell those seemingly idiosyncratic technologies work. You might say Physics tell you these. Unfortunately, if one wants to learn those technologies early, secondary Physics probably would not help. By the time one reaches university, the technologies which one wants to learn more about would be history.

On a lighter note, how far would you go to save someone you love?

"Without beginning or end, the ring stretches into the infinite.'' - Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War

''For every beauty, there is an eye to see it. For every love, there is a heart to receive it.'' - Ivan Panin

What Would Be The Path To Sony?

I don't know. I'm feeling lost. I need a path to Sony. But that path seems to be deluding me. I feel like a lost bird in the jungle unsure of the next move. I want a straight path. As such it seems that my plan has been thwarted time and time again. Someone tell me how do I get to Sony? A definite path to Sony. Let's do this.

Today, when I went out with a friend and supposedly met him at Kallang MRT station. I was loitering over there hanging around. Ya know. The normal boring shit. Just then when I put a call through to Sony inquiring about the PC Show 2010, I noticed a teenage couple who walked past me. Hell there were a lot shorter. But ya know what? The male lead went to top-up his card then walked away but then halted directly in front of me. Just a few meters away from me. Guess what, they embraced in a hug and eyes closed for 3 secs. Then their lips connected in a passionate kiss. Probably even tongues were intertwined. But why am I mentioning all this for? Is it that significant? I don't know. Somehow that very image has been captured by my brain and sent to the permanent hard disk. Their actions were astounding. I mean like kissing in public? Hugging in public? I got to really hand it to them. That somehow struck a chord in my heart. Let's me reminiscent upon my own interpersonal relationships. And it dawned upon me. Love can be that fragile. Takes a millennium to succeed but a second to break it. Don't know what I'm gonna get from this incident but I suppose...

I swear I'm feeling fucked up.

P.S. E3 2010 is sure as hell better than PC Show 2010 in Singapore.

Boys & Girls

Haha though it's a song by Ayumi Hamasaki, I suppose somehow it does relate to my life. Nothing to do with the lyrics. But more like it's the literal meaning of those words.

Okay maybe we weren't meant for each other. But not that I give a damn now right? Thought I admit seeing you enjoying yourself in Shanghai gives me the feeling that somehow you're nothing but a faint little star, I'm still willing to relish those moments that I spent chatting with you. A dream in reality. But then again, I suppose it would not work out. We are not a match in heaven. Wait up where's this going? Match made in heaven? Erm, that sounds a little effusive don't ya think?

Words That Sting or Words That Comfort

Words itself is void of emotion. No sense of style or feelings that exudes from it but instead it carries the emotion from the sender. In fact the words that are said are not all the time accurate. The sender's personality comes into play too.

Let me give you an example. If a person who's non-driven and has the I-don't-want-to-learn attitude, would say, ''...'' or ''okay'' or probably some sort of boring answer. On the contrary, a person with an opposite character would reply, ''Hell alright! Let's do this!''.

Most of the time we look at the sender before we take note of what they say. Naturally, the sender's characters are already imbued within our minds. From there, our supercomputer in the head processes the words and whatever the character of the person who sent, we imagine as if he/she is directly saying it to us. The words would then carry the newly acquainted emotion drive and the message would either comfort or sting.

An eccentric thing about human nature would be sometimes words that are meant to comfort which are said by the opposite gender works wonders. Don't get me wrong. I ain't scouting for some girl to listen to my problems. Though I would flinch at that offer, I'll still pass. But then again... Err never mind. Wouldn't want anyone to come after me mentioning names. HAHA