Alone

The atmosphere of being alone is the darkness enveloping around me. It seems like I am wandering around like a lost soul that just exited hell. Filled with obfuscation and the mixed feelings intertwined in me, it is indescribable to note the true feelings in me. The anguish coupled with the ubiquitous devastation of failure is overwhelming. Anger, revenge, indigence are all rolled into one as a package.

The inundation is incomparable to almost all the sorts of different feelings I have ever experienced. Of course, I cannot throw in the towel. That is tantamount to admitting defeat. Okay, I'm not going to start lamenting on all my troubles. Though it is lamentable that such things are very irritating to the extent that I feel like giving up, it does inadvertently make me stronger.

Okay, there is a limit and extent to the amount of stress a human can take. Now, I feel alone, literally alone. Concern, care etc. do not seem to exist for me now. Okay, probably they do exist in terms of family support. But other than that, there are no other support. Even the strongest person in the world needs support at times. That is inevitable.

I try to be an assiduous student in terms of academics and CCA. But now? Not only do I not receive the commendations but instead I take the full blow of seeing how my pride falls before me. The inexorable truth that hits me like a train at high speed is indeed excruciating. It feels like salt rubbed on a seared flesh on your body. Thereupon, pain surges through the body. Blood boiling like lava spurting on the floor. One's inner organs are then upturned and a spear thrusts in mercilessly into the heart. The red liquid starts to evoke out of the body. Of course, the effluence is gross but the bottom line of this paragraph is to reinforce the pain I felt today.

This is one of the worst pains I have felt in years.

Nonetheless, the pain lingers on like a bug. I really, really have no intention of giving up. However, the mere thought of not being duly rewarded for my hard work, it is heart wrenching.

I admit I have had thoughts of eliminating my opposition like Daniel Toh. But he is my friend. I do consider him my friend despite him not trusting me. With respect to the fact that he is my friend, I do not intend to inflict any harm upon him.

This incident somehow might have incited me to become a malevolent soul. The chronic disturbance of revenge is rooted within me. Its existence is a thorn in my flesh. The perpetual pain is inextricably linked to me.

I do really feel alone now.